I conclude I really have short term feelings for guys. My crushes on guys can end as abruptly as they start.
Patrick and Steven are prime examples. I haven’t really gotten Patrick in the sack and done him as my dick sometimes wants but my desires have waned drastically. I am totally fine if I don’t shag him, nor do I feel any problems now that he has a boyfriend. I called Steven on Friday night wanting to ask him over to spend the night, company and cuddles without really wanting the sex, but the guy had a cold so I stopped at that.
It’s happened with Simon as well, to whom I was introduced the first Sunday of the month over early morning dim sum and I’m totally over him since early this week. I really had no expectations when people suggested meeting him but did find him very hot when we met. I was actually surprised when he contacted me shortly after dim sum and became extremely flirtatious over our 2 hours of online chat that evening. He kept praising my body, telling me I’m cute, utilising words as ‘Mr. Olympic’ and ‘stud muffin’ and even messaging me late that night to say good night. Being one who can’t resist attention, I flirted back hard with constant SMS through the week ’til we met for a common twin girls birthday dinner. Sitting next to him thru dinner, I felt his knee rubbing against mine under the table the whole night and I didn’t back off.
A few drinks over dinner gave me the courage to ask him on SMS to spend the night with me after dropping him off. Our mutual interest was pretty obvious:
Me: Wanna cuddle with u tonite. Good nite.
Simon: Only cuddle? haha, good night.
Me: What else u got in mind? Ur welcome over anytime
S: haha haha u really had too much to drink tonight! U are the big sexy stud urself! What u up to tomorrow
Me: So? I confess: ur very sexy!
Me: So ur avoiding my offer! I’m sober enuf to know what I asked. No plans tmr except dinner with family.
S: haha ur too cute! Let’s catch up tomorrow??
Me: I’m totally conscious of my invitation, alcohol only pushed me to say it.
S: But I am curious to know what you would do to me…? Hehe
Me: u have to find out for urself what I’d do. But as I said, I’m not that innocent. What’s holding you back? Well, at least I tried. Sweet dreams (fantasising about me).
He didn’t contact me the next day and the communication got me all bothered that I contacted the B twins the next night trying to meet them for their dinner knowing full well that Simon would be there yet I acted that I didn’t know he was in attendance. Since the guy is not totally out, I wasn’t overtly flirtatious and just enjoyed a few drinks with the girls.
I really don’t like to be the last one to leave an event and seem like I’m following other’s footsteps when everybody leaves. So as the night was winding down, I declared my departure seemingly unconcerned that I’d be leaving alone. But of course I wanted Simon to go and I allowed the girls to extend my stay a bit with drawn out good byes. When I left, Belinda pushed Simon to walk away with me saying he wants to go as well.
One thing about Simon that befuddles me is that his communication and actions convey two very different messages. Being so flirtatious the previous night on SMS and online chats, he’s totally different in person and it seemed he was rushing to push me into a taxi when we got out and when I called out that I felt his thigh rubbing against mine thru dinner the previous night, he acted as if it didn’t recall it. If I was fancied a guy like he did thru his words, I defeinitely try to find ways and excuses to spend more time with him and not rush like he did. Simon promised to call me for lunch during the week and when he did call Thursday, I turned him down without wanting to look too desperate and the fact that I had eaten by the time he rang. I admit I still had a crush on him last Sunday as the flirting and contact died down.
Closure came on Tuesday when he responded to my message for meeting up, saying he’s travelling and would call me upon his return this coming week. As I stated, I guess I love myself too much that I am into guys who are interested in me. As communication died down on the secoind week of our meeting and it became a one-way attempt on my part, my interest in Simon just died on Tuesday. Funny that the whole crush lasted 2 weeks. Yeah Simon is totally hot and great material but I have no expectation anymore. If we get along as friends that’s good and even better if anything sexual happens but my lust for him has actually died.