Just when I thought I had charted my career and relationship courses, I get thrown a curve ball.
I stayed in due to jet lag the day after my arrival and was chatting online to see who and what was around. I get a message from this 28 year old with common sexual interests but the conversation came to an abrupt end when we he found out I am in a relationship cuz he was seeking a long-term relationship. Given that our goals were different, I totally had no expectations other than friendship when I asked him out for drinks three days later.
I was blown away that night, the chemistry with Patrick was amazing! Talk about sex was limited since I had ruled it out but the undercurrent of tension was obvious. Words flowed after I had two glasses of wine and a cocktail for him. Body contact is a rarity in Hongkong so when I put my hand on his shoulder attempting to whisper a few lascivious words into his ears, he jerked back. Having lived in Toronto, I’m so comfortable with body contact that I kept patting him on the back, arm and brushing on his thighs as we sat on bar stools. Little did I know he was throwing a boner most of the night until he revealed it to me exiting the joint in the elevators. Several minutes later at the taxi stand, Patrick initially refused a good-bye hug as I stood with open arms but I demanded “come give me a good by hug” and he did, whispering in my ears he didn’t want to do it on the streets because he was still fully erect.
It was flattering and a total ego-boost knowing I can still have that effect on a guy. I received an SMS from him minutes inside the taxi whilst I was composing my message.
Patricks sent: Hey, i really had a good time… And i do really like you a lot…
I fired back: “Sat Sun Mon (days we can meet again). I can tell we are off to a good start as friends. Sweet dreams.” Followed by “haha, we are in sync.” Since we SMSed each other simultaneously.
Notice I wrote “we are off to a good start as friends.” I didn’t want to mislead him to give him hope there could be anything more than friendship given my current relationship and the path to be a real estate salesperson in Toronto. We both sensed the connection but I tried to pair down his expectation and not hurt another guy as I did with Steven.
Patrick further messaged me that night “Hahaha…but I am hard on now as well,,, gotta do sth b4 sleeping… oo am i telling ya too much?”
I replied: I could’ve helped but u said no. U are telling me too much. U should c my expression now. Want me to come to Taipo, I can make an exception for u.
P: Be honest i would love to spend a night with ya, but my dad is at home, and i cannot bring anyone back home…seriously.
Me: I understand. But relax about he hugs and body contact. I’m gonna have 2 look at ur pics again b4 bed.
P: I cannot relax,, cos i like u hug me and touch me…
P: Sorry if i confuse ya, but the reason i push u away is because i know u will turn me on if u hug me, or even just touch me, while i feel embarassed to be turned on in public. Sorry if i do sth to offend ya, but i dont mean it that way. Sorry.
Me: No offence. U are so sex (in suit and boots) J was making excuses to touch u.
P: Well, may be u will find me a turn off when i am naked for ya….
Me: As i said, i find sexy in many ways. Body is only 1st impression. U can be fat now and I’ll still think u are hot.
P: U know what, i will do anything to make you stay in hk… haha.
Me: Thx sexy but it’s not a consideration now. I keep rolling my tongue and eyes thinking of u.
P: Haha…. i know i just say too much to freak u out…wanna kiss ya… Hug ya…Whispering dirty thing to ya… wanna jerk off with ya.
You see, at this point by insisting we are friends and telling him moving to HK was not a consideration, I’m trying to be responsible to not raise his hopes too high that I would move to HK. I didn’t want the guilt of hurting another guy.
For the past 6 years, I’ve been the needy one in the relationship with G. It’s how things evolved and I am so grateful of him showing me the ropes of life, cooking, and supporting my endeavours. But it’s a refreshing change to meet Patrick who sees me as confident (something acquired with age) and wants to please me. So far in our week long relationship, he’s the one who’s more involved and being one who loves guys showing me affection, I have trouble resisting his advances. My heart is fully interested in this guy but my common sense says otherwise. I’ve been too focused on relationship and sex in my 20s and career path is a serious consideration for me. I’ve charted the course to be a real estate salesperson for the past 5 months and thinks it’s a waste to abandon that for no real career goals in HK.
Informing Monsie of my rendez-vous, in the midst of her persuasion for me to move to HK, she questioned that if something is missing in my relationship with G bringing me to meet guys and let myself fall for these guys.
At the bottom of my heart, is there something I know I can’t get from G leading me to explore possibilities with others, yet G and I don’t have the will to call it quits?
There’s no doubt G and I love each other but we have two fundamental differences, matrimony and children. I intend to have a family with or without him but I question, what’s the point of our relationship if we’re so independent? I’m willing to forgo that ‘piece of paper’ but why can’t G budge on having children? To be fair, G has tolerated a lot of shit from me but I’ve let it be known within months after meeting that I want children and he won’t try the one thing that will make me happy.