It’s not ’til I lose someone do I realise how much I miss them.
G. was in Hongkong for two weeks plus in November and I was so excited to see him at the airport that I couldn’t sleep. His presence made me realise how much we click and our love for each other. I have great friends and family here in Hongkong but somehow there remains a void within me when G is not around. I walk about the apartment and lay in bed fantasising he’s next to me as he has been for the past decade.
I don’t know for whatever reason that I thought about life without G, that if he died, I would have little incentive to live on. I’ve never been one to ponder suicide but my promise to care for him ’til we age is what keeps me motivated in recent years. Granted that we still have our differences regarding children and family, I can’t identify anybody else with whom I wanna be with anymore.
The struggle remains – that I’m inclined to stay in Hongkong for the lifestyle with family and friends but G is such an important part of my life and he’s my family that I can’t pass up. I guess we can’t have it all.